Work Prank

I was working at an above ground sand mine for seven years when I decided to venture out and find a different path. Now I know all of my coworkers quite well at this point and I'm still friends with most of them to this day. And as you can imagine being in the blue collar field we had many jokes and ways to mess with each other. And when they found out I was leaving in month, they decided to up the game of messing with me until I left. But little did they know that payback was heading their way. Prior to my last day I bought some gay bumper stickers, two pounds of pink glitter and four packs of canned sardines. On my last day, at the end of the work day I snuck behind there trucks in the parking lot and started to put the bumper stickers on until the mechanic Rob got suspicious. One said "Follow Me To The Gay Bar" on one truck and "I Love Cock" on Bo Bo's car (and he had to pick his kids up from school with this bumper sticker)  So I only had gotten to do a couple of cars unfortunately. After we all left and said our goodbyes, I came back a couple hours later. And proceeded to put the pink glitter in all the vents of the heavy equipment and work trucks. There were probably eight different machines and three different work trucks I did this too. So when they got in and started the AC they were about to have a glitter party through forced air. And the sardines cans, we'll I cracked them open and hid them under the seats of various trucks and heavy equipment. Which took a couple of weeks to kick in but definitely got there attention. Then comes the following Monday and I'm in another state and my phone starts ringing which I didn't answer because I knew what the questions were. Apparently my ex boss got it first since I loaded the skid steer vents with the pink glitter and he needed that first thing in the morning. And it was getting cold out so they had no choice but to turn on the heat and get doused by pink glitter our just stay cold. The sardines took a little longer to figure out. Like I said it was cooler out, so it took a couple of weeks for them to properly start to decay. The phone calls increased until I finally told them where they were hidden. It was all in good fun. 

Tales From Austin 2

Austin has been kind and cruelty me, in many different perspectives. I've had my trailer stolen from me, my car broken into twice, I live next door to a prostitute who is off hee meds, downstairs neighbor is a meth addict, and I drive all over the city going to people's houses and meeting everyone. Along the way I meet everyone from crackheads to millionaires and everyone in between. And then in my free time I train jujitsu and meet the finest of people, humbled people from all walks of life. I have no reason to complain, yet I have many and don't bother. I have noticed that everyone's perception of me is different but yet I am the same around everyone. I'm just a simple redneck from the middle of nowhere, just trying to survive and get the most out of this life. Being in this city has taught me a lot and has changed me as well. Whether it is for the better or worse only time will tell but an interesting ride nonetheless. 

Great Times With Great People 8

Every time I drink a Gin and Tonic I think of a story. My senior year of high school, the last weekend of May, memorial day weekend. A couple friends of mine and myself decided to take a camping trip. I decided to bry golf clubs, golf balls, guns and ammo, and an inflatable white water raft and a bunch of gin, Jack Daniel's and weed. You're starting to see the fun this trip is going to be. We start out on a Friday night, get the fire started and the drinking until 3 in the morning begins. While asleep my friend Chris decides to wake me up with my twelve gauge next to my tent. Partly my fault since I left my doors unlocked. I wake up and we continue drinking and having breakfast over the campfire. Later that day we mix gin and tonics and decided to play golf in the woods. Not our most brilliant idea but some fun nonetheless. Now have hammered by noon were hitting golf balls in the woods picking out trees as targets we carry through woods. The balls are bouncing off of trees going to and fro and some almost hitting us from a terrible slice or a direct tree in front of us. But we made it through without a life changing injury. I don't remember much of what happened for the next two days other then running out of weed and going to town find more. Just an adventure that pops up in my mind when I have a gin and tonic drink. 

Tales From Austin

Austin is a unique city unto itself. All walks of life come here from all the country and the world and it definitely makes it unique. I have had the privilege of meeting a lot of people here through my job or what I enjoy doing outside of work. But all of them interesting nonetheless. Funny how you meet the right people and how familiar they are to the ones you've met before. I have to digress going of subject here. I have a younger brother and moving here I met someone who looks just like him, just older and far more wiser. Anyway, he is in the business of security to say the least. One day he asked me to let me borrow my computer to take some tests. Now I trust him with everything I have, so I did not hesitate. After borrowing said computer, about six hours later, a group of six men come walking through the courtyard of the apartment complex where we both reside at with AR 15's in there hands. Now from the distance I saw them at, I couldn't see the police badges on there chest. So my immediate thought was he just pissed off someone in the federal government with whatever the hell he was doing with my computer. That was my first initial thought. And at the moment I was just getting ready to smoke some weed on porch while they were walking down courtyard towards us and had my girlfriend hide my weed inside. Coming to realize that it was the police actually looking for something completely different from the thoughts going through my head. Luckily they just asked if I had seen anything suspicious and went about there merry way. But talk about my imagination getting the best of me. Just one of the many tales from Austin, TX. 

Good Times With Great People 7

Throughout my life I have great mentors, whether it be family, coworkers or friends. I've had some older gentlemen to teach me a few things and I am greatful. Whether it be my older relatives to lay down some knowledge or a coworker that was older than me teach me a lesson I am greatful. Age is rank, you can't get ahead of it, you can't get behind it. And the older mentors know a thing if you're willing to listen, and be humbled. There are the young ones as well, who will learn you a thing as well, if you are willing to listen. And that is the hard thing to swallow. But you may teach them a few things as well, and help them learn and gain wisdom. It's a give and take in both situations.

Good Times With Great People 6

They say that in the end it comes down to your friends and family. Now you can't pick your family you're born with them. And they say you can't friends but I believe you can. You can always remove toxic people from your life if you so desire. I know I have picked and held on too some great people throughout my life. I still keep in touch the best I can. At the end of the day I will have some great memories of those I have kept close with me. And it is a beautiful thing. So many great memories of the things we got ourselves into and may or may not survived. They keep life interesting and worth while. In time we move on and go our separate paths while finding ourselves. But as we get older we reflect on the times we had together and cherish them. Life gets complicated at times and the only way to get through it is to get up and go. We get caught up in this rat race and just plain try to survive and thrive. We tend to forget the ones who made us who we are ,both good and bad. When someone passes we don't tend to remember the bad qualities about them. We tend to remember the good times we had together and smile on the thought of it. 

Good Times With Great People 5

This is the continuation of what happened after we opened the garage door from shooting bottle rockets at each other. We let the smoke clear and continued on drinking. After some time realized that were some golf balls and golf clubs laying in the corner. After a few whiskeys say no more. We went out into the lawn and began hitting balls at the neighbors house. Taking turns and realizing that some of us were better at golf more then others. I had a friend who could put it on the burnt out roof every time. The house was partly burnt down but made a big target. Those of us who couldn't hit the ball straight decided to take it to the middle of the street for closer aim. While doing this another friend pulls up in the car and starts shooting roman candles at the place, catches the pine tree out front in fire and quickly dive bombs after it with a coat and puts it out. Once again no one was harmed during this stupidity.

Good Times With Great People 4

Another fun story of being young and dumb and full of whiskey and fun. It was a cool day out and we were in the garage. Door was closed, the stove burning and the whiskey flowing. My friend decided to leave a box full of fireworks out which included some bottle rockets. After a couple drinks my friend decides it's a great idea to light one take aim and shoot at us. So insues the war. We all start grabbing them and shooting them at each other in a garage. Yes we were geniuses with a degree in dumb fuckery. Somehow no one lost an eye, just a few burn marks and some dumb fun to be had. The garage however was full of smoke. So we opened the door and continued drinking. We could see where this night was going. 

Good Times With Great People 3

A lot of great stories start out with drinking. Here's one for ya. A little 5pm drinking set this one off for a fun time. We were drinking at an old school which they had converted into a storage facility for a fire company. My friend was on his four wheeler riding around doing donuts while we're all drinking beer and probably some Jack Daniel's (theres a lot of fuck it in Jack Daniels) and some how I came across an abandoned wheelchair. This is where it gets fun. I decided to sit in the wheelchair while my friend pulled me with his four wheeler. We started off slow and got it up to forty mile an hour before I decided to let go. And nothing to stop me. I somehow managed to keep from eating shit and gravel and came to a stop. We decided to try again. This time to fifty and I just held on like I was in the rodeo. He slowed down, I hung on and made the ride. So in short, an old wheelchair will do fifty miles an hour without breaking.

Good Times With Great People 2

Here are some sayings I have picked up along the way. They are meant for humor and to lighten things up a bit or just to get you to think. I've made some up, friends and mentors shared some along the way. 

Whether it's fighting, fucking or dancing, it's all in the hips.

That's more fucked up then a plate of soup.

Your so slow you couldn't stop quick.

Why don't you go slip into something more comfortable, like a coma. 

You look like you got face fucked by father time himself. 

Good Times With Great People

Great Times With Good People. I've been lucky to have some great friends and family in this life. It's made it worthwhile. So many stories to tell and so little time to do it. 

I'll start with this one and probably not our brightest idea but interesting nonetheless. We used to go partying in the back country at a place Durant Canyon. Deep in the middle of nowhere, load the trucks full of pallets and beer and have a redneck good ole time. Now one particular evening someone thought it would be a great idea to bring along a half full bottle of propane that you would use for a grill. After an evening of drinking and the last of the wood in the fire we get the brilliant idea of throwing the 5 gallon propane bottle into the fire. Yes we were geniuses. Now what we didn't know is that they have a safety switch to prevent them from blowing up. What it will do is release the gas under high pressure to keep from exploding. So all we could here is a whistle, then the gas released and would shoot out a pressurized flame about thirty feet long. And the pressure would released and the flame would stop but not explode due to the safety valve in it. And after a few times of shooting out this flame we were getting bored, cause hey we wanted to see an explosion. Then Jimmy gets the brilliant idea of grabbing his 30-06 out the truck to help things along. Now keep in mind we're hiding behind a dirt mound during all this. Using the top of the mound as a rest he takes his shot and we have our explosion. A fireball that lights up the canyon forty feet and shrapnel flying everywhere. Not one person harmed and fun story to tell.

Unicus

Let Me Be by Eric Val

Lessons For Life

 Lessons For Life

Seek those at your level in life.

Learn to forgive and not to forget.

Everything is a lesson, learn from it.

Never forget your friends, family, and the people who made you who you are.

Never seek trouble but always be ready for it.

True love, connection, and appreciation will not come until later in life.

Keep your ego in check, find something that humbles you.

If you don't understand it now, work at it until you do.

If you feel regret, the lesson hasn't been learned yet.

If you find peace in a moment, stay there awhile. 

Anger, hatred, and pain are a part of everyone, how will you use it?

The moment you lose something is the moment you didn't care about it.

I Hate Me by Eric Val

Falling From Grace by Eric Val

Relationships and Sex

     

    The blurred line of sex and relationships. There are times when the only reason people are together is because of sex and have no other commonalities. It was just based on great orgasms from the start and maybe a fear of being alone and both settled. The other side of the equation is that two people get along very well, have a lot in common, and are on similar paths but the sexual chemistry isn't there or has been lost over time. Have we stopped to ask ourselves why? Is it because people grow at different rates? Change at different times in their life, want something different, or become complacent? We are sexual beings whether we want to admit it or not and we all change over time and at different rates and levels. I believe that is why marriage is so difficult to maintain, along with relationships. We are always changing or at least should be growing and maturing with age and seeking new goals and levels. In our twenties and all the way back to our childhood, we are young and foolish and want what we see from our relatives and peers around us and what we see in the media as love. We all think we should be married, have kids, a nice house, a great job. Then our thirties come and we realize that we want something different out of life. More passion, adventure, goals wisdom, knowledge, and taking risks that should have been taken earlier in life. By then we are already in debt, have kids and your partner is growing at a different rate and in a different direction than you, or becoming more successful at their career than you and it creates turmoil. A lot of factors add to relationships and can cause greed, jealousy, envy because of success and growth. I believe we are at the turning point of what was considered traditional relationships and marriage. We have more understanding now of how the human mind works and how we grow, how we react to each other, and what we can become. There is also the aspect of mental illness, we'll get to that at a later date. We are essentially primates and no primate is monogamous. Now we come to the marriage aspect of human nature. There is a reason why men fear marriage, other than the fact if that's the only person he gets to have sex with while in that marriage. The man fears losing what he has worked so hard to obtain. Ladies, before you start your hate mail, let me finish. The system we have with marriage and divorce is set up in your favor. You get the alimony, half of everything, and child support if you have kids (I'll save the income equality for another time). Not completely your fault though, the lawyers step in and want their cut and start putting it into your head that you deserve more and telling you he is trying to screw you over. Then the battle begins and the lawyers start making money, and the man typically ends up covering both those bills as well. That is the other reason why men fear marriage, they fear losing everything. Both sides need to remember that your partner will change and grow over time. And you may grow apart and in different directions. It's a simple fact of human nature, it will happen. Don't get me wrong, you can work it out, come to common ground and keep going if you are willing to work at it. For the most part how we are designed in today's society. We always look for the easy way out or the way to obtain the most money. Or just desire the excitement of starting over or being with someone new, which is just as exciting. Whatever the case may be, it's all on the individuals in the relationship. Knowing what they want, where they are going, and whether or not they want to stay together and work it out. Or go their separate ways peacefully. To put it more simply, communication and we all lack that in today's society. We always throw this idea of love into the mix as well. We all think that it is eternal, which in some cases it may be. But in reality, the true concept of love is not being selfish. It's saying I care about your happiness as much as my own and if you're happier without me, be adults about it and allow each other to move on and be happy. Therein lies being civil about it, talking it through and not being selfish and greedy, and taking every last dime before they go. In other words, just be selfless in each other's happiness.

Selfish Sex

     

    A common thing I've heard from women who I have talked to about sex is that men do not care if a woman has an orgasm. They only care about getting her into bed and getting off. They never take the time to figure out what turns a woman on, what fantasies they have, and what makes them orgasm. Men tend to lean towards the primal side of sex and that is to be domineering and above them. Then there is the other two factors. Single men are just looking for a notch on their belt and married men are just looking for a release when they cheat. Men also typically don't have the stamina to keep up with women and just worry about getting them into bed, getting off, and leaving them disappointed. What men do not realize is that learning and discovering what turns a woman on and gets her off will be empowering for both of you. It's a give and take that is rarely discussed and probably makes men feel inferior. Most women have the capability for multiple orgasms and longevity. While men have the capability for stamina but typically can only have one orgasm at a time and the woman has to wait a few minutes for the second round or the third for that matter. Women, however, can go for a long, long time. Hence why it is important to find all the things that turn her on when it comes to foreplay, sex, teasing, and everything else that comes along with female orgasm. Allow her to be open and tell you what she wants and follow through with it. You won't believe how much of a turn it is to get a woman to orgasm and get turned on by what she likes. And in all reality will bring you two closer together. Now there is a give and take to all this. Men have their fantasies too and should be able to talk about them as well. Therein lies the other half of the battle of sex, communication. Both sides are so afraid of talking about sex and being open with it that it creates a barrier between the two sides. Men and women are wired differently, we need different things sexually. And the more both sides are willing to listen and try things out and quit being so selfish the better off we will all be. 

I Don't Care by Eric Val

Division

 

Division

At a time in our nation's history when we could have had peace and moved forward with a better plan of prosperity and humanity. We are divided and at odds with each other. We have allowed ourselves to be pushed apart by two sides of a government that in all reality does not care about us and a very rich one percent above them that certainly do not care about us. The only thing any of them care about is money, power, and control or in other words full-blown narcissism at its finest. Our rights disappearing at a rapid rate, our fears all pushed by a media who is in the same category as the money-hungry, control freaks above them and no one wants to look at the big picture. Most just want comfort and security and the powers that be a feed on that fact and use it against you and at this moment, are using it to turn us against each other. The problem is big but the solution is simple. Find balance and common ground on what is best for humanity. No one wants to do that though, everyone just wants to be on a side and be right, no matter what the cost. Which in itself is just another form of narcissism. Everyone wants to be right and recognized for words and/or achievements. No one wants to be wrong and humbled and then gain wisdom. For certain, no one is asking where we as a collective people are heading and what is the best route and common ground that we can all stand on. We remain divided by people who don't care about us. Everyone is fearful of change and looking to choose sides. Instead of realizing that it will take a massive change with all of us on the same page looking to better ourselves as people, a nation, and for future generations. A hard road for sure and most are not willing to take the hard road to better themselves, are they? We always look for the quickest, simplest solution in our here and I want it now society. It's always easier to tear people down than it is to build with them and work together with a common goal in mind. In reality, we will never completely achieve a utopia, it would always be in the building, growing, and learning process as the times change and people evolve. But if you break it down to just common sense, wisdom, and humanity and build from there, we might have a shot while standing together. As of now, we are divided. Lincoln said it best " A house divided cannot stand." So how long till we fall?